slackerbitch; looks so cute, but leaves you sore (torrential_pain) wrote in kaoruxshinya,
slackerbitch; looks so cute, but leaves you sore

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Title: The Bitter Knave.
Chapters: One-shot.
Author: Sekhmet//[info]morbid_nurse.
Pairing: Implied Kaoru/Shinya.
Rating: PG-13, but I might be pushing it a little, owing to the amount of swearing.
Genre: Very much angst.
Summary: Kaoru-centric; splitting with Shinya is harder to deal with than he imagined.
Comments: Feedback of any kind would be greatly appreciated, but I'm not twisting your arm.

Originally written for my Kaoru/Shinya claim at [info]shinya_love for the theme 'The end of this chapter'.

X-posted to: [info]direngrey_yaoi, [info]shinya_love, jrockyaoi and [info]morbid_nurse. *Whore, lol*

In no way do I claim to be affiliated with Dir en grey or their families and staff. This work is 100% pure fiction, and no money is sought from its creation.

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Kaoru had never felt so alone.

Leaning against a tree, he huddled down and tried to keep the cold out from his pockets as he rooted around for his cigarettes. God, he needed one more than ever now.

Above him, stars pierced the night sky, but he turned a blind eye to them. They reminded him too much of what he’d left behind.

Finally, he sparked up, the lighter’s flame coiling around the open end of his cigarette, fighting against the breeze. He inhaled, and instantly felt a rush of calm, before breathing out a long hiss of smoke. Watching with half-lidded eyes, he imagined it taking on the form of all the curses he’d never said to Shinya.

He estimated that there was about two-thirds of his cigarette left. Damn wind. It had made it harder to light up, too, and now it was robbing him of his precious cigarettes.

Sighing, he took a long draw. Now he was halfway from reaching the filter. Today was not a good day.

Splitting from Shinya had made things unnecessarily complicated, especially since now they were on the worst of terms.

“I just don’t think we’re ready to be together, yet.” Polite words, with a cutting twist -- like a knife, plunged into his back with a subservient smile and courteous nod of the head.

Kaoru snorted. You said things like that at the beginning of the relationship, after the first date; not four-and-a-fucking-half years later.

And they’d been through harder times, and never said a word about it, not even when they were lying together in the darkness, holding hands and momentarily shutting out the madness around them. It wasn't fair.

That was how they were, how they should be.

But now there was an emptiness that Shinya once filled, that countless others before him had, and countless others would continue to do so. They would never fit as well as Shinya, though.

No more Shinya. No more ‘fuck you’ glances over the dinner table, no more ‘bastard’ stares when I get home. No more Shinya, end of story, goodbye, hope you choke.

Angrily, Kaoru stubbed out the cigarette on the sole of his shoe and threw the butt into a nearby bush. Moments passed, and he rooted around for another, desperate to satiate what felt like -- what must be -- a gaping wound inside him.

One miserable cigarette remained, and it was all he could do not to choke a sob.

Best save it for a rainy day.

Typically, a few minutes later, the first sharp pricks of raindrops began to rustle the canopy of leaves above him, and suddenly he felt like laughing. Laughing at the world, at the stupid, predictable irony of it all, at himself.

The rain fell harder now, splashing down onto his face, and he wondered if his own tears would feel as cold and harsh.

It was all too fucking complicated.
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