Pairing:K/S, TxS, DxKy, imp.KyxS
Rating:NC17 or R?
Disclaim:I dont know or represent these people, and to my knowledge this never happened, and if you sue me you wont get anything good.
Summary:Karou and SHinya finally get a relationship together, but then something happens that can make or break them.
A/N:first fanfiction i ever wrote, 1st jrok ff i ever wrote. took up about one section of my notebook for one year. this is my baby!
Kaoru, Toshiya, Die, Kyo and Shinya had all played their last live for awhile, it meant that Kyo could sleep, with or without Die, Toshiya could go with…well, whatever it was he went with. Shinya would probably go home…that left Kaoru. He never really had much to do outside of work except sit at home and vegetate until a song would pop into mind. He waved and sat outside smoking while the other left. He must’ve fallen asleep because when he woke up it was dark. He attempted to stand but failed miserably and fell tearing the knees of his jeans. He hastily wiped the dirt off of his shirt and went inside the studio not noticing that his car wasn’t the only one left. His hand closed around the door handle when he heard what sounded like the drum line to one of their songs; Child Prey to be exact. He slowly and quietly let the door click open.
Shinya dropped his drumsticks in frustration, it was so simple, memorized for Christ’s sake, and he couldn’t do it! He lay his head down and allowed his long hair to cover his tear stained face.
“Why can’t I just be able to do this!? It’s so easy…I’ve memorized it, it’s so easy…so why can’t I…”
“Sometimes when it’s only one instrument, mistakes can happen…all of us balance each other out, that’s why it’s a band.” Shinya’s head jerked up surprised.
“Kaoru-san, what are you doing here this late at night?”
“I fell asleep outside. Regardless, would you like some help Shin-chan?”
Shinya stared at his drum set helplessly and merely nodded.
“Good!” Kaoru dropped his guitar case (not really) and got it out, plugging it into the amp.
“Alright,” He leaned over and picked up Shinya’s discarded drumsticks and handed them to him, “Here, now, why don’t we try something easy.” Shinya stared at Kaoru and opened his mouth to speak then closed it again.
“I… I thought Child Prey was easy.” Kaoru seemed to consider this and scratched the back of his head.
“Yeah…I guess you’re right.”
He began to play the beginning riff to the song and motioned for Shinya to join him. Shinya from his position behind the drums, found himself marveling at Kaoru. The older man’s body moved to the beat of the music, his fingers never faltering on the strings of his beloved guitar. Kaoru’s arms tensed with his playing, making the muscle stand out, straining against the skin. Suddenly Shinya felt very faint, lightheaded and hot, like the room had risen two-hundred degrees.
Kaoru noticed the stare from under his eyelashes, Shinya hadn’t messed up, and so he didn’t pay attention to it. He remembered how Die tried to help him but it didn’t do any good. Toshiya and Kyo had tried to help him too, but he noticed that Shinya only seemed to do well in his presence. The staring had started to bother him, so he turned around, ending the song, and locked eyes with the young drummer.
Shinya had been so relaxed looking at Kaoru that we hadn’t noticed when he turned around and when he locked eyes. As soon as he realized it, he turned his eyes downwards quickly and blushed. He’d always had a type of crush on the older guitarist. Shinya was so wrapped up in his own thoughts he didn’t notice the older man walk up to him and lean down.
Shinya’s eyes widened until it was painful, and then slowly slid closed. Kaoru’s lips were slightly cracked but felt good against his. Kaoru was surprised, Shinya didn’t push him away, instead he pressed more insistently and slipped his tongue out hesitantly. Kaoru broke the kiss and pulled Shinya up from behind the drums, he kissed the younger man and deepened it, pushing his tongue past Shinya’s lips and being met with Shinya’s. They half walked half stumbled to the couch in the studio. Kaoru slipped his hand behind Shinya’s head and pulled closer to him. His other hand ran across Shinya’s back, rubbing circles against the thin fabric of his shirt. Shinya pulled back and leaned heavily on the purple haired guitarist.
“What…what was…that?” Kaoru ran his hand through Shinya’s long auburn hair. He didn’t answer; he merely pushed the younger man down and sat on his stomach.
“Shin-chan…” Shinya knew the question and leaned down while snaking his hands up the guitarist’s shirt. The drummer’s nails raked down Kaoru’s back making him shudder as Shinya pushed his shirt over his head. Kaoru started to undo the buttons to Shinya’s shirt and soon slid the fabric off the drummer’s thin shoulders.
Shinya’s fingers gripped strands of purple hair pulling the older man’s body up to him. Kaoru sat back and ran his hands over Shinya’s stomach and down to the top of his pants, fingering the button that held them on. The younger man pushed his hips up slightly attempting to gain the contact he missed.
“Shhh…Shin-chan, be patient.” Kaoru quickly undid the button of Shinya’s pants and slid them down off of the smaller man’s hips, kissing the exposed skin of his thighs.
“Shinya…before this goes any further…” Kaoru leaned down over his body and pressed his lips to the drummer’s neck, “will you let me take you?” Shinya had to concentrate hard on the question.
“Uh-huh,…” Shinya licked the shell of his ear, “Please, make me yours, and yours alone. Take me until I can’t stand it anymore, until I scream.” For emphasis, Shinya pushed his hips up against Kaoru’s, rubbing their erections together.
“I’ve wanted this for so long…” Shinya moaned out, “I can’t take it anymore.” Shinya’s hands snaked down his body and rubbed his hardness through his shorts. Kaoru slapped his hand and caught it pinning it, along with his other hand, against the arm of the couch. Shinya arched his back, rubbing his hips against the purple haired man. Kaoru undid his own pants slipping them off and then ripping Shinya’s off. The younger man hissed at the coldness, and then his hiss turned into a long moan, as Kaoru’s free hand wrapped around his rigidness, and pulled and tugged.
Shinya bit his lip until it was ragged, and Kaoru’s lips crashed into his. His tongue smoothed and caressed Kaoru’s as the battle for dominance drew moans and gasps to emit from the eager mouths.
“Stupid Bastards.” Kyo mumbled to himself. Toshiya and Die had gone off and gotten drunk, come back and went into his and Die’s room. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what the noises coming from behind that door were. So Kyo had left because he didn’t want to be scarred for life, he decided to go back to the studio and work on some lyrics, anything. As he got nearer, Kyo noticed that Kaoru and Shinya’s cars were still there. He shrugged it off as he walked up to the door and turned the handle. Kyo wanted to close his eyes, he wanted to look away, but his body wouldn’t let him move. There was Shinya, completely naked, underneath an equally naked Kaoru. They had been so wrapped up in each other, neither had noticed the short vocalist standing in the doorway, they didn’t notice when he moved to sit in a dark corner and they didn’t notice the sounds of chains rattling.
Shinya dug his fingernails into Kaoru’s shoulders and pulled him up; Kaoru stopped his hands and attacked his neck biting the flesh. Shinya arched up to bring them closer, feeling Kaoru spread his legs and lean into him. Shinya could feel Kaoru’s tip tease him, and he lifted his hips involuntarily until Kaoru gently and slowly slid into him. The auburn haired man shut his eyes as wave after wave of pain overwhelmed him. He wanted the obtrusive object out of him, but yet he didn’t want to loose his chance to be with his one and only. So, Shinya lay there, panting and sweaty, trying to relax. Kaoru, he could tell, was trying his hardest to not move and allow the younger one time to adjust.
Kyo sat in his dark corner with his eyes closed and his pants gathered around his knees. His mind imagined Shinya underneath him and his lover Die behind him. He didn’t need to try hard to imagine Die thrusting into him while he pounded into Shinya. His hand slid down his abdomen and roughly gripped his erection, sliding his hand over the sensitive skin. He bit his lip to keep from moaning out as his thumb pressed into the wet head.
Shinya pushed his hips up against Kaoru’s and slowly wrapped his legs around his leader’s waist. His hands came up and tangled in purple strands as Kaoru pushed further in before pulling out almost completely. He thrust in up to the hilt, repeating the process until they established a steady rhythm. A long string of breathy moans and ‘oh gods’ escaped Shinya’s parted lips as his body moved upwards, jerking with each piston of the purple head’s hips. Shinya opened his eyes wide and arched his back, screaming. Kaoru smirked and hit that spot again earning many more screams from Shinya. Kaoru slid one of his hands up to Shinya’s cheek wiping away tears he didn’t realize were falling.
Kyo continued rubbing his member and when Shinya screamed he pulled and caressed harder and faster. He started thrusting up into his hand, finding it harder to keep quiet. He could distantly hear the creek of protest on the couch as they bounced on it roughly.
Shinya felt the coil of pleasure tighten as his trapped erection was brushed time and time again by Kaoru’s stomach. To him it was a question whether to push upwards towards the stomach rubbing him, or down to the rigidness inside him. Kaoru continued to stroke the spot deep inside him with each thrust and Shinya couldn’t hold it anymore. The auburn haired man bent his spine almost to the breaking limit, and gripped Kaoru’s shoulders screaming in complete ecstasy. Kaoru continued to thrust, then in one stroke, the longest and hardest of them all, Kaoru came inside Shinya, letting a deep groan escape his lips. Kaoru’s arms gave way as he collapsed on Shinya, laying his ear against the others chest, listening to the drummers slowing heartbeat. The both drifted to sleep.
Kyo had vigorously jerked himself to the rhythm of Shinya’s screams and was thankful that Shinya and Kaoru’s panting masked his own moans and finally a quiet whimper when his hand was coated in white. He waited until he heard their calm breathing before standing up and pulling his pants back on. Then, glancing back at the sleeping lovers, he walked out of the door, locking it behind him.
Kaoru woke up feeling incredibly…happy? He shifted a little and noticed a crop of auburn hair trailing over his arm. He smiled a little and moved the mass of hair away from Shinya’s face. He nearly had a giggle fit when he saw Shinya. His makeup from the previous night was smeared, and while it didn’t look horrible, it was funny: his lipstick was smeared and most likely on Kaoru’s face to, his eyeliner on his right eye was a little smeared to the side from Kaoru’s fingers. Shinya’s face itself was pale and had a slight pinkish hue form sleep. He watched as the other’s almond eyes popped open then softened noticeably when they landed on his.
“You know, I don’t really feel like having practice today…” Shinya sleepily nodded and snuggled against the other man’s chest. Kaoru smiled and reached down to his discarded pants and fished out his phone from one of the pockets. Flipping it open he dialed Die’s number getting the answering machine.
“Hey Die; I’m not feeling to well, so we’re not going to have practice today. If Kyo’s there, tell him and give Totchi a call. Bye.”
Kaoru ended the call and tossed the phone back to the small pile of clothing on the floor. Shinya kissed Kaoru’s cheek and threw his arm across his waist.
“I don’t care what you say; you sure are acting like a girl. So clingy.”
Shinya slapped his arm and suddenly climbed on top of Kaoru straddling his hips, being careful not to fall off the couch. He placed his hands, to hold himself up, on the violet haired man’s chest.
“I find myself still craving more…” their lips met and tongues danced as Shinya lifted his hips and slammed himself down, arching his back and moaning as Kaoru gripped the drummer’s hips tightly, thrusting up into him as Shinya came down. Shinya leaned forward resting his head against Kaoru’s shoulder as he continued to thrust into him. Kaoru’s cock slid into him easily hitting that sweet spot again and again. Kaoru thrust up once more before filling his lover with his cum, as Shinya came over both their stomachs.
“You know, we keep this up we’ll never have practice again.” Shinya wrapped his arms around Kaoru’s waist and sighed.
“I know, you’ll be too tired to concentrate, and I’ll be too sore to sit down.” There was a pause then Shinya started giggling. “Plus, I’d always have to put my makeup on again…” he pressed his finger into Kaoru’s cheek and swiped a bit of makeup off of it. “…or I’ll just steal it from you.” Kaoru laughed and started coughing, as he was still catching his breath.
Shinya and Kaoru got dressed and decided to go back to Shinya’s place to check up on Miyu.
Kyo came back to the house Die, Toshiya and he shared and was immediately hit with the stench of what he presumed to be the stench of sex.
“Totchi, Die! Wherever you guys are you better as hell be dressed!” Toshiya stumbled, fully dressed, through the door drowsily giving Kyo a friendly smile before going to his room. The blonde sighed and pushed open the door to his and Die’s bedroom. Instead of cracked and chipping paint, warped floor boards, and bare wires, there was new paint, the beginnings of a new floor, and in-wall wiring. A red streak on the other side of the room caught his attention.
“Hey, what have you been up to?” Die asked the question nonchalantly and grinned when Kyo didn’t answer. “You Like? Totchi helped. The fumes got to him though so…yeah, he might be a little Whooo-Whoo. And needs sleep.”
“I could have sworn I heard you two and...That smell…”
“Oh!” Die gave a wide grin and scratched his head. “I might need a shower or something.” Kyo looked at him like he had grown another head. “What’d you think Toshiya and I were…Oh…” realization crossed the red head’s face and he giggled a little. “Kyo-Chan was gettin’ all jealous…”
“Well…” Kyo actually didn’t have a comeback.
“Kyo-kun did you think that Totchi and I were really screwing?” all signs of humor were absent and replaced with a serious expression. Kyo simply nodded and walked over to the bed with his head down. He felt guilty that he’d actually thought that Die was cheating with Toshiya.
“What the hell was I supposed to think?! I swear I’m so fucking weak, I’m nearly reduced to tears because of my own damn paranoia.”
“I didn’t mean to make you think that.” Die sat down next to Kyo and kissed his forehead. “I wouldn’t cheat on you. Not without asking first.”
Kyo smiled and smacked the red head’s shoulder. Leaning into the taller man, he let himself fall asleep, letting the other’s heartbeat lull him.
Miyu leaped up when Shinya came in, wincing slightly at eh pain that shot up his back. Kaoru followed after jumping when Shinya almost fell.
“I’m really sorry…”
“For what?” Shinya was either acting or he truly didn’t know what he was sorry for.
“The pain.” Shinya smiled and went over and hugged him.
“After awhile it won’t hurt.” Kaoru was taken aback by Shinya’s bold words. The usually shy and quiet drummer was gone, replaced by a Shinya that had as much lust as love. Kaoru felt his jeans tighten uncomfortably and grabbed Shinya by the waist, hauling him up and over his shoulder. Shinya giggled like a little girl and half-heartedly beat against Kaoru’s back, kicking his legs. Kaoru felt horrible that he had such small self control. He deposited Shinya on his be and crawled on top of him.
“I have such horrible self control. The sight of you makes me hard.”
“Well, “ Shinya reached up and rubbed Kaoru’s stiff erection through his pants. “We have all day to take care of that.” The younger man clung to the other’s shoulders. “I want it hard, make me scream.”
“What happened to the shy Shin-chan?”
“Hmmm…he’s still here; he just knows what he wants.”
Kaoru rid Shinya of his clothes and traced a finger up his thigh.
“And what does he want?”
Kaoru’s hand lightly touched the others semi-erect length, causing him to arch his back slightly. Kaoru grinned against his neck and deftly caught Shinya’s wrists with one hand. He slid up his body and took Shinya’s discarded shirt wrapping the stretchy material around Shinya’s hands. Shinya looked at him questioningly; Kaoru chuckled and leaned down to the younger man’s ear, tying his hands to the headboard.
“I don’t want you to pull my hair out again.”
Shinya arched his back and let his head fall back as the older of the two kissed and sucked his neck. His gaze landed on the knot, it wasn’t tied tight but tight enough to handle light resistance. Before long Shinya felt himself being lifted and then he felt pain, then immense pleasure as Kaoru thrust hard into him, immediately striking his prostate. Kaoru kept making tight circles with his hips, and Shinya went from yelling and screaming to squealing with every stroke of Kaoru’s hardness against him. The binds on his hands held tight as his frail body was animalisticly but lovingly pounded into the mattress again and again. It was rough, fast, violent, but loving, tender, and trusting.
Kaoru always made Shinya so hard that all he had to do was brush his arousal merely with his stomach and Shinya came. Hard. Shinya tensed and pulled on his binds arching his back until it was painful. He came hard all over their stomachs and fell back onto the bed panting. He felt Kaoru give one last hard thrust, gripping his hips and coating his insides with cum. They lay there for a few minutes catching breath. Kaoru reached up from his position and undid the knot, letting Shinya’s arms fall down to his sides. Shinya wrapped his arms and legs around the older man to stop him from pulling out.
“Please don’t leave…” Kaoru rolled onto his side still keeping their bodies pressed together, he ran his fingers through his lover’s long auburn hair.
“I won’t.” They slept that way.
Toshiya lay on his bed sleeping. His dreams tormented him, all of them revolved around their feminine drummer. He knew he never stood a chance; he knew the looks Kaoru gave Shinya, He was horribly suspicious when the cancellation of practice was announced and now he wanted to see Shinya. Toshiya sat up and started putting on his shoes. He was going to have Shinya, whether the drummer was willing or not.
Shinya woke up alone, not horribly disappointed, he found a note beside him. Kaoru had gone home to rest some for an important meeting he had that day. Shinya began to get slightly worried but then skimmed down to the bottom of the note and immediately blushed after reading “and remember we have all weekend.” He hid himself under the covers of his bed, as a familiar weight was felt.
“Miyu, do you think we work together?” Miyu cocked her head to the side and wagged her tail.
Shinya was jerked out of his thoughts by footsteps, at first he thought it was Kaoru, it had to be a band mate, they were the only ones with spare keys. The steps wondered around until they came to the bedroom door, Miyu had started barking and growling. The door swung open and, much to Shinya’s surprise and relief, Toshiya stepped through, picking up Miyu and putting the dog down outside the door, closing it. Shinya’s relief soon turned to a blind anxiety as he noticed a different attitude the bassist had, as well as the fact he was only half dressed, and in the process of removing his pants. Shinya panicked and made a move to get up, but Toshiya pushed him back down onto his stomach. Shinya started kicking, twisting, whatever he could to get away but Toshiya was stronger than him and easily bound his hands behind his back with his belt.
“Shin-chan, please don’t resist, it’ll only hurt more if you do.” Toshiya moved behind him and spread his legs, with much difficulty, as wide as he could.
“Toshiya. Please stop!” Shinya was crying as he realized he could do nothing. “I don’t want this!”
Toshiya leaned down and brushed his lips against the back of the drummer’s neck, rocking his hips forward into Shinya’s ass. This caused Shinya to fly into another fit of hysterics as he momentarily found enough strength to flip himself over. Toshiya was holding his legs apart, and Shinya placed his feet on the bassist’s waist and pushed as hard as he could, but nothing came of it except for a swift slap on the face. Toshiya pinned his shoulders down to the bed and leaned down hissing venomously into the drummer’s ear.
“I don’t want to hurt you, but if you resist, I won’t have a choice…”
Shinya immediately quieted, and ceased all struggle. The only indicator of his fear and emotion were the steady streams of tears flowing down his cheeks. Toshiya gripped Shinya’s knees hard enough to leave bruises and spread them wide; he slicked his fingers and pressed them gently into Shinya who showed no response. He started to feel the sting of tears in his eyes, he never wanted to hurt Shinya, he wouldn’t ever do this, but there he was pushing into Shinya roughly, pretending it was anyone but the fragile drummer.
Shinya screamed as the most intense pain he’d ever felt ripped through his body making him sob louder and uncontrollably. He vaguely felt Toshiya’s shaking body, but he did feel wetness on his shoulder and he heard clearly Toshiya’s words as he continued to forcefully take him. Toshiya was harshly whispering, more to himself, that this wasn’t Shinya; it wasn’t the one he never wanted to hurt ever. He couldn’t stop the tears from falling down his cheeks; he couldn’t stop the almost demonic yell that sounded in his throat. He pulled out and rammed in again pretending it wasn’t Shinya, he pounded harder against the auburn. He leaned his head down not really caring where it landed, and let out the most agonized sob that could only be matched by someone being tormented by demons. Each thrust into Shinya, Toshiya let out a loud cry of inner agony. He hated himself, Shinya hated him for sure now, Kaoru would hate him and murder him, Kyo and Die would help Kaoru.
Toshiya started to thrust harder and harder, if it was possible, into Shinya as they became more urgent and fast. Shinya’s head was turned to the side and he was crying his heart out. He was crying for many reasons: he was being raped by one of his best friends. He was crying for himself, he was crying for Kaoru, he was even crying for Toshiya. Each time Toshiya pushed into him he sounded like he was being killed, his yells sounded as if all the agony one human being could carry was being released in vocal form. In the back of Shinya’s mind he made the conclusion that even Kyo would be scared of that sound. His throat was sore form screaming, his arms were numb from being pushed into the bed with both of their body weight, his back and nether regions ached, and blood was seeping down his thighs and staining the bed sheets.
With one final thrust the nightmare was over and Toshiya came deep inside Shinya. The only sounds in the room now were quiet sobbing, panting and resounding groans of mental pain. Shinya felt Toshiya pull out of him gently, and carefully roll him onto his stomach to undo the binds on the other’s hands. Toshiya then turned a tear streaked face to another tear streaked face, he leaned down and brushed their lips together. Shinya couldn’t move, couldn’t say anything as Toshiya ashamedly grabbed his pants and left uttering a simple but heart-felt phrase.
“I love you, I’m so sorry, I don’t deserve to even live after this, but I still love you. Forgive me.”
Shinya couldn’t get the image of Toshiya in just as much pain as he was in out of his mind.
“TOSHIYA WAIT!” Shinya’s voice was raspy and cracked. “DAMMIT DON’T JUST LEAVE…” Shinya started to cry again, he didn’t think there was anymore left but he was wrong. Shinya lay unable to move in sheets covered in sweat, blood, cum and tears. He just didn’t want to wait until Kaoru came back; he wanted to take his mind off of this excruciating physical pain. He attempted to sit up but screamed in pain and fell backwards sobbing pathetically. He wanted to die.
Kaoru didn’t want to leave Shinya, but as the leader of the band he had things he was required to do. Like go to meetings. Boring meetings. If he could he would cancel practice for a week so he could fuck Shinya senseless. He wanted the meeting to be over and whatever higher power was listening granted his wish they were done for the day. Kaoru walked to Shinya’s apartment in record time hoping to erase some of the guilt he felt for leaving Shinya alone in bed without really giving any explanation, except the note. He walked down the corridor and stopped at Shinya’s door. The door wasn’t closed, so he went in quietly closing the door behind him. Nothing seemed out of place in the small apato. Kaoru walked down the short hallway to Shinya’s bedroom and silently opened the door.
The first thing to break through the numb feeling he had was the stench of sex and blood. The second thing in rapid succession was Shinya lying in the bed covered and surrounded by blood and semen covered sheets. Kaoru, despite shaky legs and a nauseous feeling in his stomach ran over to Shinya who looked like a little pile of misery. Shinya laid there, his knees pulled up against his chest and his arms around his knees. His face was as pale as death, and he was violently trembling. His eyes were dull and lifeless and looked as though they saw nothing. Kaoru slowly let his hand run through Shinya’s hair as he watched the first flicker of life course through the younger man’s brown eyes. Kaoru’s fingers grazed his forehead and he immediately whimpered and jerked away at the feeling. Shinya blinked a few times, then full realization of who was in front of him hit him. He started to cry, burying his face into the tops of his knees.
“Kao-chan, h…help me.”
“Shinya what happened?” Kaoru already knew the answer but he needed to hear it from Shinya. The younger man started to cry harder and looked helplessly at his violet haired lover, but he still gave no answer. Kaoru sighed and stroked Shinya’s hair.
“Shin-chan who raped you?”
Shinya looked away and closed his eyes calming himself down.
“I’m so sorry.” Shinya said the words with such a passion. “I tried but I couldn’t stop him, I should have tried harder-”
“No! You didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t talk like that. You have nothing to be sorry for.” Kaoru took Shinya’s face in his hands and brought his eyes to look at him, “Who…who did this?” He continued to stroke the smaller man’s hair as it seemed to calm him.
“Totchi…” the hand running through Shinya’s hair stopped, and the pair of eyes looked at him.
“Totchi…He…he did this, but…” Shinya curled up tighter into himself. “I…I’m not angry.”
“How can’t you be angry?” Kaoru’s voice shook, not with sadness, but with anger at their bassist. “He raped you, and you still aren’t angry at him?”
“No. I’m upset, but not angry. Kao-chan, he…I mean, the whole time he was…doing it…he was crying so much. I heard him say things, and…he screamed. Oh Kaoru, if you’d have heard these screams…they sounded as if he was being ripped apart…” Shinya let a ghost of a smile cross his face. “Kao-Kao, the screams he made, they would frighten Kyo…” He looked up at Kaoru with his eyes. “The best way to describe it would be if you were in the most excruciating pain in the world.”
“Is it possible that he didn’t really want to?...”
“He kept having to remind himself it wasn’t me.”
Kaoru sat down on the edge of the bed and took Shinya in his arms hugging him tightly.
“You need to go to the hospital.” Shinya shook his head lightly. Kaoru sighed. “Yes. You do.”
“No. I’ll be fine.”
“Then go for me so I won’t have a panic attack.”
“…” Shinya seemed to consider and then nodded solemnly. “Ok.”
Kaoru kissed the top of Shinya’s head and scooped him up carrying him to the bathroom. Once there he got a towel and draped it over the top of the toilet, setting Shinya down on it gently. He moved to the closet and brought out a washrag. Wetting it, he kneeled down in front of Shinya slightly spreading the younger man’s legs with some difficulty. He carefully removed the blood from the auburn’s thighs and hands before rising and bringing him up to. He held onto Shinya’s shoulders and turned him around, kneeling behind him again. Kaoru kept a firm but loving hold on Shinya’s hand as he gently wiped the blood off of the backs of his legs and his backside.
“Ok. Sit down.” Shinya did as was told sitting down carefully on the towel which was soaked with fresh blood. The older of the two went over to the bathtub and ran it full of warm water. He helped the younger to step over the edge and sit down, hissing when it came in contact with his abused body. Kaoru looked at the towel over the toilet and cringed at the red stained cloth, then he worriedly watched the clear water start to turn rose tinted with clouds of sickening red. He stroked Shinya’s hair and whispered small words of comfort to him.
“Just stay here and try and relax ok?” Shinya merely nodded his head and gave a pained smile. Kaoru got up and left to retrieve the phone. He dialed the hospital’s number and explained everything. He went back into the bathroom and nearly gagged at the smell of blood, as he made his way over to Shinya who was crying miserably as he tried to move himself, failing. Then Kaoru noticed the water in the tub was no longer a light rose color it was a deep red, almost as red as Die’s hair. He reached in and let the water drain out, grabbing a towel and wrapping Shinya in it. After a few minutes of fumbling to keep Shinya covered, warm and in his arms, Kaoru secured him into his car and drove to the hospital, nearly wrecking twice on the way. Shinya quietly cried the whole way there and the violet haired guitarist was only getting angrier at Toshiya, next time he saw him, he was dead.
Kyo fell back onto the bed panting and bringing Die down on top of him. Die kept a steady pace against the smaller one’s ass, as he reached down between them and gripped Kyo’s length and started to pump it in time with his thrusts. Kyo yelled and arched his back off of the bed cumming over his and Die’s chests. Die flipped Kyo and himself over pulling the blonde to straddle him, thrusting his hips off the bed slamming into Kyo. Die pushed in hard and came throwing his head back, Kyo slumped forward and ran his fingers through damp crimson locks. Die kissed his lips finally catching his breath. They jumped as Toshiya slammed the door to his room shut. Kyo lifted himself off of Die and slid out of bed painfully putting on his boxers walking out the door soon followed by Die.
“Totchi…Toshiya what the hell!?”
“Go the fuck away!” they heard things hitting the wall, and tried the door only to find it locked. They sighed in unison and trekked back to their bedroom.
“DAMMIT!” Toshiya threw whatever he found at the wall. The glass object hit the wall and shattered littering the hard wood floor with shards of glass. How ironic that it was a picture of Shinya and himself, the main focus, with their band mates at Die’s 26th birthday party. Shinya was smiling and laughing covered in cake and icing, as was the rest, but Toshiya was getting it rubbed into his face by Shinya and vice versa. Toshiya dropped down and picked up the pieces of glass, ignoring the pain from it pricking him. He abandoned the task and lay on this bed, he was going to confront both Kaoru and Shinya, he had to. He needed to tell Shinya that he had no idea what had happened, most of all he needed Shinya to forgive him if that was even possible now. Kaoru, he didn’t want to really think about what Kaoru would do to him. The only reason he knew was because of the note he left Shinya. He needed their forgiveness or he’d surly kill himself from guilt.
The doctors office was white, sterile and a deafening silence screamed out down the halls. Shinya had been met with doctors at the door and was taken away, screaming for Kaoru to not leave him again. Kaoru had tried but was held back, he felt as if serrated knife had been plunged as deep into his heart as it could and every time Shinya screamed and cried out for him, it twisted itself sharply. Now he sat in the waiting room that was nearly empty and held his head in his hands. He wanted to cry, to pick up anything in his reach and hurl it at the wall or break a window, he wanted to beat his head into the wall, but most of all he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs and he wasn’t sure that the next person who approached him would be safe from getting their heads bitten off. He thought about how if he’d stayed instead of going to that stupid meeting he could have saved Shinya the pain of this, that was what hurt the most, the fact that he could have saved Shinya. He could have rescued him from this physcological torture, this physical pain and the amount of tears he’d shed that day…if only he’d have kept his promise to Shinya never to leave him.
Kaoru became aware of someone standing in front of him and he looked up. The doctor was currently studying his clipboard until he looked at Kaoru, whom had stood up.
“Niikura-san?” Kaoru nodded signaling the doctor to go on. “Terachi-san, told us that you were in charge of his caretaking, am I mistaken?” Kaoru shook his head still not trusting himself to speak.
“I…Hai, I am in charge of his wellbeing.”
“Well I have good news and bad news. I’ll assume you want the bad news first?” Kaoru nodded. “Terachi-san is in a very dangerous level of blood loss. He’ll have to stay longer than first expected to make sure he can function on his own. We also had to sedate him so he would stay calm; he went into hysterics nearly passing out.” Kaoru shook his head to rid guilty thoughts from his head and looked back at the doctor.
“Go on; the good news?”
“Terachi-san, aside from the blood loss, will be okay. Some of the bruises are nasty but nothing to worry about. The only serious injury that will take awhile to heal will be his emotions.” Kaoru visibly relaxed and sighed. “However,” His body tensed again. “Terachi-san, in the ER, had a tendency to be emotional and hysteric, this could be dangerous to his health…”
“Don’t all rape victims become hysteric?” Kaoru snapped at the doctor not really meaning to.
“Yes, but Terachi-san…is different.”
“I don’t mean to sound rude, but he…he seems to be in a heavy depression, which I understand, however, this depression…I’ve only ever seen it in patients at Institutes.”
Kaoru sat down heavily and pressed his fingers to his temples.
“What do you mean? Are you saying that he’s nuts?”
“No. Not unless you want to call it that. I don’t think he needs to go to an institution, but I want to ask you something.”
“Is he like anything I’ve described to you, while you’re with him?”
“I see…This is my notion. I think, believe it or not, that you are the only thing keeping him sane.”
Kaoru looked up sharply at the doctor as he said this. Could the doctor be serious? Shinya had never to his knowledge acted the way the doctor said he had.
“C…can I…can I see him?”
“Of Course. He may be a bit out of it, but nothing to worry about.”
Kaoru nodded and stood up shaking the doctor’s hand.
“No problem, and I won’t let any of this get out.” Kaoru nodded and smiled sadly. “Oh…he’s in room 311.” The doctor was gone now. Kaoru looked down the hall and sighed, making his way down the hall and counting down numbers on doors.
Toshiya had gotten word that Shinya was in the hospital and, feeling guilty, headed down the street towards it. The weather was cold to other people, but to Toshiya it was bone chilling. It could have been the fact that he was going to speak to Shinya whom was probably in no position to talk and Kaoru whom would be beating his brains in the moment he entered the door. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that he didn’t deserve the beating only from Kaoru, he deserved to be beaten by the entire band and left for dead, if it would make Shinya happy again to see him laying there bleeding like he’d left him. The image of Shinya sobbing into his pillow, the white sheets of his bed stained deep red…he wasn’t able to get the sight out of his head. He was angry at himself; he had truly begun to believe that Shinya wasn’t the one under him as he mercilessly thrust himself into the frail drummer. His mind had made the illusion all too real and in turn he had forgotten the reality of the situation and been rough and venomous to the other.
The hospital went from being a little dot in the distance to being the large building in front of him. He walked in and went straight to the wing he knew Shinya to be in. He was ready to die, if it made Shinya smile again, made him happy, he was willing to do anything.
Shinya had been taken to the ER, he remembered screaming, not wanting to be separated from Kaoru again. He had gotten the sudden strength to hop off of the gurney and attempt to run back down the hall, only to succeed in falling to his knees, cursing and screaming from pain and frustration. He’d seen Kaoru try to follow but being pulled back, he didn’t care if he was half-assed dressed in a towel, he wanted Kaoru to be there and tell him that everything was okay, even if it was a lie. He fought the nurses and doctors, but in his weakened state they won easily, pulling him back and placing him onto the gurney and holding him there. He remembered how he had cried and yelled and screamed until it hurt to do so, he must have looked and sounded so pathetic. Then they put something into his IV and then nothing. Now he was lying in the sterile, white sheets of his hospital bed trying to get up but realizing they had pretty much strapped him down. He felt a new wave of tears sting his eyes as he recalled the last three hours of hell he’d endured, he still wasn’t angry at Toshiya.
His thoughts were interrupted when one of the nurses came in and tried to get him to eat, he avidly refused, he wasn’t hungry. He hated the nurses. He wasn’t ashamed of having a male lover, but the nurses sometimes they would come into his room and talk about him while he was ‘asleep’ and he heard everything. They had talked about everything, from what it must be like to get fucked up the ass everyday to how much of a girl he was. Some of the nurses had become afraid of him, he would simply put on his doll mask and fill the room with an uneasy feeling whenever they came in. The others had witnessed a doped up, angry, frustrated and emotional Shinya. All of this had been in the last four hours and he just wanted to die.
Kaoru walked quickly but calmly to room 311 and quietly pushed the door open. The sight that was there was beautiful but horribly sad. Shinya was laying there, straps evident under the top blanket, shaking, crying and repeating the same thing over and over again: I just want to die. Kaoru had to fight back the first tears he’d felt ready to fall, but couldn’t and he walked over to Shinya’s side sitting down and letting his head lay against his stomach. Shinya jerked up a little and looked down. Kaoru brought his head up and reached out his hand to run over Shinya’s cheek. Shinya cried harder at seeing Kaoru cry and brought his small arms to encircle the guitarist and pull him down.
“Kaoru don’t leave…”
“Shh…I won’t. I won’t leave, I promise this time.” Kaoru let a ghost of a smile reach his lips as he wiped away some of the other’s tears. “How have you been?”
“Fine.” Shinya let a small sad smile spread across his features, he felt so much better now that Kaoru was there. “Kaoru, what did the doctor say?” Shinya sat up a little in his bed and gave the guitarist a nervous look. Kaoru sat down in the chair conveniently placed by the bed and leaned back.
“He said that the only thing you’re going to have to stay for is severe blood loss.” He glanced at the auburn haired man and smiled, “ but I asked him if I could take you home and he said that it would be okay. He said all you really need to do is make it through tonight here and after that take it easy. No strenuous work, just rest and the pills he gave me.” For the first time in hours Kaoru saw a real smile play about his lover’s lips.
“Everything else is fine then?”
“Yep, the physical wounds will heal with time,” Kaoru leaned forward kissing Shinya’s cheek, “and I can help with the emotional scars.” Shinya sighed and slumped back down into his bed smiling. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while.
“Please, stay with me?” Kaoru shook his head and smiled.
Toshiya walked down the hallway slowly but not so slowly he was going to take forever. As he neared Shinya’s room he mentally prepared himself for the verbal and physical beating he would receive. He pushed open the door and stepped inside.
Kaoru looked at the door and immediately felt the blood drain from his face, he could feel Shinya’s finger nails digging into his hand as he tensed involuntarily. Toshiya, the cause of all of this, stepped through the door. If Kaoru hadn’t been so angry at the bassist’s appearance, he would’ve noticed the deep black bags under his eyes, and his placid skin. The only thing keeping Kaoru from jumping the poor man was Shinya’s death grip on his hand. Shinya squeezed Kaoru’s hand and he felt the other relax a bit and sit down again. Once seated and somewhat calmed down, Kaoru really looked at the taller man.
“My god Totchi, it looks as if you should be here instead of me, ne?” Shinya attempted to make the tenseness in the room disappear, it was making him feel uncomfortable and scared. Kaoru could have easily murdered Toshiya if he’d let go of his hand and the bassist didn’t look like he was really in the condition to protect himself.
“What do you want.” It was more of a statement than a question. Both Shinya and Toshiya shivered at the icy chill to his voice.
“I came to…apologize…”
“Like you can apologize for ANY of this!” Kaoru’s voice rose, “YOU THINK A SIMPLE APOLOGY WILL MAKE THIS BETTER!?”
“Kao-chan…” Kaoru stopped his yelling and became aware that Shinya was shaking from fear.
“I’m sorry,” Toshiya held up his hand as if to dismiss Kaoru from interrupting, but he made no sign he would. “I deserve no forgiveness, no pity, no mercy, the only thing I can do is offer this…” Toshiya stared directly into Shinya’s eyes and continued speaking. “If it would make you smile again, laugh again, be happy the way you were, I’m willing to do anything. Kaoru, you can beat the shit out of me, leave me lying on the ground, bloody, broken, near death, and if it would make Shinya-san happy, I would die.” Shinya and Kaoru both stared at Toshiya, the first reason for this was the formal use of Shinya’s name, the second was that he was practically telling them he would kill himself for Shinya’s happiness. “I deserve as much, Death is even to much of a mercy for me.
“Totchi-chan, please don’t do anything like that.” It was Shinya’s voice. Kaoru still looked at him completely shocked. “Please. I can’t handle something that stressful and sad. If you do then I’ll follow, I can’t stand to loose one of my friends.”
“How can you say that I’m still a friend? I’ve ruined your life!”
“No. Totchi-chan, I…I forgive you. I really do. And I guess you’re right, I really shouldn’t be forgiving you, but I heard the things you said when you did it. You kept telling yourself it wasn’t me, you screamed and cried like you were the same type of pain I was in. I don’t believe I can ever truly put this behind me, but the least I can do is forgive one of my friends when they had no idea what they were doing.” Shinya’s voice wavered and finally cracked with tears towards the end of his speech. In a show of thankfulness, guilt and bravery Toshiya, who was also crying, made his way over to Shinya’s bedside and hugged him. Kaoru watched the whole display with a mixture of happiness and anger, he was happy that Shinya had made peace with Toshiya and seemed to be happy about it, however, he was still angry at Toshiya because of what he’d done. Finally the death hug ended and Toshiya walked around to Kaoru, bowing lower than he really needed to, and just stayed that way. Kaoru sighed and lightly punched the bassist’s arm.
“Get up. I can’t be angry at you if he forgives you.” Kaoru didn’t need to see Shinya’s face to know he was smiling and had a hopeful expression on his face.
“Kaoru-sama, I’ll leave. I’ll leave town and the band if you want me to. I’ve gotten forgiveness from Shinya-san, but I need it from you to…”
“Like hell you’ll leave the band, if you do I might really kick your ass.”
“If he forgives you, so can I.”
After many nurses finally gave up Kaoru settled himself into the chair next to Shinya’s bed holding his hand. Shinya had confided in him that he hated hospitals with a passion and never wanted to stay the night at one alone.
“Thank you for staying.”
“Not a problem. I wouldn’t want to spend a night in here alone either.”
Kaoru was the first to wake up when sunlight hit him in the face, coincidently right across his eyes. After a few minutes of sitting there, he slowly became aware of a hand in his, then the thoughts of the previous day came back to him. He looked over at the sleeping form of Shinya and smiled, the drummer was sound asleep, even snoring a little. This was so much for the small man, this was even too much for him...and Kaoru had to wonder, would they ever be the same again?
*****That was it. i might continue this but i dont know. actually added the last sentance b/c i didnt have an ending. so. yaah. pleeze dont stick me with sharp things. I feel so bad about making Toshiya rape Shinya but hey he was the only one without someone and lonliness makes ppl do strange things. No?*****