Pairings: Kaoru/Shinya Kaoru/Kyo Toshiya/Die
Chapter Rating: G
Summary: I mean to admit such a controversial exploit is absurd! I couldn’t even accept myself at the time. I just had to play along as Toshiya and Shinya introduced me to a friend of theirs. I undeniably had no interest in her at all. But I kept her, only to hide my monster.
After a day of lunch out at the rock ledge near the beach, we headed for class; me and Shinya in History, and Toshiya in Physical Education. Shinya sat across the room from me where we would send hand signals to talk. But today, my mind wondered off to moments of times when Toshiya, Shinya, and myself played out on the beach during carefree days. We would go everyday to catch the sunset. And on weekends, we’d forget the morning cartoon shows and head straight for the beach looking at the sunrise. It might sound strange reading about three boys looking at the sunrise and sunset together, but it was normal to us, and we wouldn’t have done it with any other persons.
All we ever did together was laugh uncontrollably. We would hunt for crabs and chuck them out into the open sea. I even got a lost baby lobster to pinch my finger. Little did I know that it would hurt like a bitch. The other two panicked but stayed trying to pry the lobster off. They grabbed a rock near by, and with their tiny arms, they smashed the poor thing including my numb finger. Shinya, not thinking at all from the excitement, cupped his hands to scoop up some salt water to splash onto my bloody limb.
Those were memories I treasured and held dear to me. So why should I be rethinking about this friendship. Sure, I felt like an invader, but our chit-chat made it all better. Didn’t it? I worried as I thought more.
That wasn’t the only thought that was in my mind though. I had many. They were leeching off of my blood, and I couldn’t get rid of it. Whatever it was, nonetheless, it caught my attention, and I was soon going to find out. But not now. Not when I’m still thinking of how much fun we had when we were kids up until now.
Another flashback came to my mind while the teacher was preaching to us about some guy in a black robe. I was thinking back to the time when me and Shinya were waiting for Toshiya at my house. My mother invited them to have dinner that night. So, it was just me and Shinya sitting on my bed watching television. I looked over to him and saw a yawn erupting. He’s getting bored.
I didn’t know what it was, there was never a scientific explanation behind it, but soon after Shinya yawned, I yawned too; always happens. I laid myself on my bed with my arms wrapped around my head. I kept my gazed glued on Shinya’s spine. The room stayed still. Somehow it felt awkward, but I don’t think Shinya felt uneasy at all. He yawned again and he also laid down on the bed, right beside me. So you can picture it, we were pretty close.
My stomach was in knots, but I tried to keep my cool. My fingers behind my head were beginning to twitch from the proximity that was between me and Shinya. Why the hell do I feel so weird?
The doorbells rings, it’s Totchi. I quickly disperse anything odd thoughts that began forming.
“Dinner’s ready! I’ll get the door.”
We headed down the stairs. But suddenly, I see water rising rapidly up the stairs. It began climbing the first step, then the second, next thing you know it was on the 8 step where I stood. My first thoughts weren’t even of my mother, Toshiya, or Shinya. My mind suddenly skipped the tragic scene and entered a curiosity state. I took a step down and found a huge seashell floating across my living room. I jumped into the water and turned the abnormal sized object around to find a Shinya in nothing. He had on such a seductive look to him, it was so enticing. I reached out my hand to touch his unmentionables, but before I could make contact, my teacher whacked a ruler right in my face waking me up from the wettest dream I ever had. I had hope the class didn’t see anything out of place.
Was this the strange feeling I’ve been having? It was strange, but it would fit my question wouldn’t it?
Putting great effort into it, I acted as if nothing had happen, and so we continued our daily life.
I started to take notice of a gay couple in our school, though. They’ve always been there, but now, they were more noteworthy than before. It was disgusting how lovey dovey they got. They didn’t even care if teachers saw. It was hard to figure out who’s tongue was who’s. These two boys, you would think they were innocent at first glance. Well, maybe only one of them.
The teachers didn’t like it one bit. Seeing as how the world is so close-minded, most teachers saw it as something disgusting and beyond words, the boys were demon worshippers, or they were just insane teenagers seeking for attention and they belonged in the insane asylum. But they couldn’t do anything. It was a free world, and if kids now-a-days felt like making out with the same sex, then so be it.
They were Kyo and Die; together for 3 years now. This year was their third. I watched them as they made their way through the hallway holding hands like a couple of school … boys. I was intrigued about how they came to be that way. I wanted to ask questions, but asking question was to … was to admit it. No, no, no. There was nothing to admit. I was eating way too much candy.
The year was ending quickly and with the days passing, my supernatural feelings blossomed into something I was afraid of. It was confirmed when I walked into the band room to retrieve a friend. Kyo and Die, in the middle of love making. I couldn’t move an itch. I was glued to the spot as Kyo knelt down between Die’s legs to tease the entrance. I stared; gawked, at the new image. It was beautiful and I wanted that. It was delicious, and I wanted to eat it. It was enduring, and I wanted more.
I continued to stare until they were done doing the deed. How many times they did it was a puzzle waiting to be solved. I bet they’ve done it billions of times; on school campus that is. They had their backs facing me and it was my chance to run away quickly. I proceeded my way to the boys room and hurriedly locked the bathroom stall. I unzipped to pump the awaiting member. It felt damn good to release after what I’ve seen. It was spectacular.
I was done so I hastily washed my hands and went out to dawdle back home.
I laid on my bed recapping that day’s event. How come I got turned on by two boys fucking? It wasn’t something I was suppose to be doing. It’s the ladies I want. The type that has nice round boobs for me to feel up on. Not balls and assholes. What the hell is wrong with me?
As much as I denied and fought that feeling, it was always there. It whispers in my ear every night before I say ‘good night’ to my mother. It laid right beside me on my bed before I close my eyes to fall asleep only to wake up to it.
I look in the mirror the next morning. I wanted to shout and scream and cry, but I couldn’t. It’ll give out too much information; enough for everyone to find out my secret.
I kept that secret inside for almost a year after that incident. Not a lot happened over the summer however. I kept that leech inside and put on a happy face every time I went out for ice cream. The occasional run-in with Kyo and Die wasn’t helping, on the other hand. It seems that their love-making just increased to a daily routine. Every time I saw them, my mind wonders to that affair. There goes my dick responding to the trouble-causing couple. Even Shinya and Toshiya noticed my antsy attitude towards those two.
“Why are they making you flinch so much Kaoru?” Toshiya asked.
“Die and Kyo, of course. You look at them with those beady eyes of yours.”
“Be quiet Toshiya, your eyes aren’t so great either.”
“Bigger than yours. But that’s not we’re talking about. You stare at those two a lot in Chemistry. What’s up? They stealing your lunch money?”
“No. I just don’t … like how they … are so touchy in public. It’s annoying the hell out of me.”
“If they annoy you, then why are you staring at them so much?” interrupted Shinya.
“Quiet. It’s nothing. I’ll stop staring. I was just wondering how they’re able to do that in public.”
“Aha! I know why now!” Said Toshiya.
“Oh? Why Toshiya?” Ask Shinya.
“Kaoru’s jealous! He wants a girlfriend to cuddle with. How cute~!”
“Is that true, Kaoru?”
“NO, it isn’t. I don’t need a girl, I have myself.”
“Whoa~, too much information.”
I wanted to tell them everything! But I can’t. It’s not something I can just blurt out. It’s harder than you think it is. I mean to admit such a controversial exploit is absurd! I couldn’t even accept myself at the time. I just had to play along as Toshiya and Shinya introduced me to a friend of theirs. I undeniably had no interest in her at all. But I kept her, only to hide my monster.
“Kaoru, this is Sayori. Sayori, this is our buddy, Kaoru.” Toshiya introduced us.
“Hi, nice to meet you,” she said with an innocent tone. It only made it more challenging to use her. She was a sweet girl. But I had no choice if I didn’t want to step out of the closest just yet.
“Hey. It’s good to meet you. Toshiya’s told me a lot about you. I heard you like swimming; wanna teach me?” I said hinting that I’m being flirtatious. Apparently, she liked it. Great, my plan worked. She’s fell for me and now we’re walking through the halls together, all lovey dovey, like Kyo and Die.
I had it all bottled up. It was my personal demon and I wanted to get rid of it; make someone else suffer.
I had a list of problems to add to that. My classes were giving me a headache. Math isn’t my thing and as my test scores became lower, my class grade turned from a B to an F. I became lazy throughout the school year. I had my social life crash down to the ground. The only real friends I had were the two Siamese twins. I felt as if I was unneeded.
I didn’t do anything physical to help my body. Except, you know, what ever teenage boy does. But that’s not the point. I was a year away from graduating and I’m slacking off.
And my girlfriend. It has been too long since I started to deceive her. I felt horrible at the thought of her face as I told her that I was gay, and all this time I never really liked her that way. Everything we did; kissing, holding hands, eating, it was all an act to hide myself from the world. The only thing I was able to do was hope she would forgive me for taking away precious months of her life. Months might not seem long, but it is forever to teenage couples.
That was the definition of my summer; worries, worries, and more worries. I was left alone to confine in myself. I couldn’t do anything but keep a guise on to show absolutely nothing was wrong with me. I was left to watch Kyo and Die enjoy their freedom while I’m trapped in a cage. They weren’t always happy, but I saw many smiles and laughter during the first few weeks of summer. Oh, how I wished to be them. To be apart of them. But I couldn’t! How would Shinya and Toshiya react? They’ll never want to have a gay hanging around them; NEVER.